Sometimes I wish my magickal life is like “Hellblazer”, going through the dirty streets of Toronto, mingling w/ the other tough and or sketch magickians, being in seemingly impossible situations and using my wits and magick to get me out of that tight situation and eventually be on the top. Maybe fighting off evil forces w/ my magickal sword – vanquishing them to the Netherlands. I started to call this sickness, The Hellblazer Syndrome.
How many hours in a church I’ve spent daydreaming of that instead of actually listening to the lectures, how many hours in school did I daydream that I had an exciting alter life, much akin to Spider-man or most superhero complex out there?
I can’t call it a superhero complex, not even a hero complex….. maybe an adventurer complex.
TBH, when I first started – I thought my life would be like that, fighting evil on the side or getting into hairy situations that I’d need the super-friends to help me out. Using my powers for good and maybe be in on a stint of evil on the side. Overall, I thought it would be more exciting….
The Devil You Know
Don’t get me wrong, it’s not that I don’t think this is exciting – there are truly moments that one will achieve in their magickal that will be truly awe inspiring, to a point that ones jaw will drop, but my point is that I think I thought this was going to be more of an “active” experience, rather than be a “passive” experience.
Maybe it’s just me, maybe it would do me good to get off the lone wolf mindset that I have…..
Recently, I’ve started to call this syndrome the “Hyperadventure” syndrome. I don’t want to live a life of just adventures, it seems that I feel the need to have adventures jacked up with testosterone. The ache in my soul is I need more experience that will make a dent in it and fill it. So far, everything felt dull to me.